My Wonderful Journey Of Eighteen Years

Eighteen years ago today, I embarked on a wonderful journey – a journey that has made me whole (as a human being). I got married to Karen, the love of my life – and eighteen years later, we’re still going strong.

My brother in-law, suggested that I meet Karen (a friend of his). He explained that she was “articulate, meticulous and well organized.” I on the other hand am in-articulate, don’t see details and am not-that-well organized. In other words, on paper, the match could not have been poorer.

I called Karen the day after I got her number and we went out a few days later for dinner downtown Toronto. We had lots to say to one another and the conversation was fluid (well, the drink or two that we each had, did help). We closed the restaurant that night and I dropped Karen back at her apartment.




Very sadly, within minutes of me dropping Karen at home, she learned of her father’s passing in Florida, where he lived. Karen spent the next ten days in Florida with her mother and brother. I’d learned of the passing from a mutual friend and promptly left a message for Karen offering my condolences. On her return, Karen called me and we hung out a time or two or three. There was something there and so we started dating – we’ve never looked back. Twenty two months later on August 7, 1994, we were married in Toronto. We’ve also been blessed with two children – Jason (14) and Amanda (11).

By any measure, we’ve had an eventful marriage. We’ve seen lots and done even more. We’re a happy family during a time when marital affairs seem the order of the day and when divorce is rampant. But like everything in life, I am a big believer in continual learning, growth and improvement. Eighteen years into my journey, here are a few things that I have learned:

1. ‘Fess up – No matter who you are or what you do, from time to time, you’ll screw up. We all do. A big screw up or a small screw-up – ‘Fess up and say (and mean), two very powerful words --- “I’m sorry"

2. Know your limit, and play within it. We all have different limits and thresholds. Know what they are and stick to your limits. I make no secret that I work really hard, and play really hard. It’s the playing hard that keeps me working hard and then the working hard that keeps me playing hard – and while I know that I push the limits on both fronts, I always stick within them. Important for sure!

3. Don’t sweat the small sh*t. Yeah, I know I have an irritating habit or two – for sure. And so does Karen. It’s small stuff like which direction the tube of toothpaste is put back into the drawer. Does it really matter? No – so then don’t worry about it. And we both have not sweating the small stuff down to a fine art.

4. Being generous in love is a good thing. The love you make is directly proportional to the love you take. Don’t take too much love without giving. Be good to yourself. And be good to your spouse. Not some days. Not even most days. But everyday. Show your spouse random acts of kindness every day - I really mean that!

5. It’s a journey – not a destination. This is so true and becomes more and more true as the days pass. Marriage is all about it being and ever-improving-work-in-progress. Think of marriage like a picture an artist paints, or a sculpture and sculptor does. They’re always tweaking, observing and refining – and so should any smart spouse in a marriage.

This reminds me of the song that relates closely to marriage. Time Warp. It’s a classic from the Rocky Horror Picture Show --- “It's astounding, time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll. But listen closely, not for very much longer. I've got to keep control.”

a. Time flies – make the most of every second

b. Madness – be spontaneous. Change things up a little. Sometimes being a little silly is a good thing

c. Always, always – be in control of your emotions. Never ever let them control you.

Karen – thanks for the first 18 years. Here’s to the next 18. I love you very much.